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Comment Wall

Comment Wall:


  1. Hi Brittney. I guess I am first to comment! I liked exploring your website, and thought the poll about rhyming and Dr. Seuss was funny. I really liked the layout of your site as well, and thought the design was clean and easy to navigate. I also liked your goblin rhyme. I think it was a good retelling of the Jataka tale it came from, and the rhyme was a different take on the story that allowed it to be different. I think at times the rhyme felt a bit forced because it was hard to come up with words that fit the story, but I was able to get what you were going for. I like that you are trying to do something out of the ordinary here and are doing something challenging - writing poems is hard. I look forward to seeing the other stories you add in as rhymes to this project!

  2. Hey Brittney!
    I love the theme of this project! I would have never thought to implement the classic Dr. Seuss into classical Indian epics. While it's an awesome idea, I don't think I would ever be able to write stories that rhyme with such prowess, so I am impressed that you're doing it. I through your story Goblin City and I see why you would pick this theme: you have a natural talent for rhyming! I envy that...I always try to freestyle rap with my friends and it never goes very well. I like your idea of using couplets. It was really impressive that you were able to tell the whole story in its entirety that way! Do you think you will use the same rhyming scheme the whole semester, or will it be dependent on the story you are writing? I think it would be awesome to mix it up if possible, though I can see how this would make writing stories even more difficult than it already would be. I can't wait to see what direction your project takes and what stories you will use to rhyme with next. Keep up the good work!

  3. (Hey just for the future it's Brittany)

  4. Hello Brittany.
    Wow, I am very impressed with how you got the two stories you have in your portfolio to rhyme. I have always had trouble with rhymes and poems since grade school so I'm very impressed. You chose your words carefully and it shows. Also, both stories painted a picture in my mind of what was happening and they were fun to read.
    I don't remember much details on the scenery in the original story of Goblin City but did you consider adding some extra details? You could paint a picture of a very nice looking city or maybe it looks like a small and run down town? One extra stanza on the scenery could be interesting.
    There were a few spots in Goblin City that sounded a little wordy. For example, "to try to get away" could be changed to just say "to get away." Also "it looked to be quite fresh" could be changed to "it looked quite fresh."
    For King's Karma, I feel like the first paragraph could be removed and you could start the story with the rhyming stanzas. Then at the end (maybe after some kind of page break like a few of these things ~~~ or some other symbol) you can state the message and/or ending commentary of the story. I also feel like with the flow of events the stanza starting with "Before he even saw him" should be above the stanza starting with "For it was not some animal."
    Just a few little things that you could look at. Good job on both of your stories, I'm not sure I could get the rhyming to work as well as you did.

  5. Hi Brittany,
    I love you idea for you project wall! I think it so creative and I give you props for being about to rhyme so well, especially with harder material to understand. Both stories you have on your wall so far did a great job of explaining what is happening in a fun way!
    For Goblin City, I am not as familiar with the story so maybe explaining more of the story in your author's note would help viewers like me grasp the important plots. But I really enjoyed how you showed your personality in your author's note! I think it was a great way to show viewers that you are truly enjoying writing these rhymes. I also think the way you laid out the page works great with your theme and makes it easy to read.
    I really enjoyed reading King's Karma. That story was very interesting to me when reading the Ramayana, but in that version we didn't get much detail about it besides that it happened. That being said, I thought your explanation and storytelling for it was great. As for the paragraph before the rhyme starts, I think I would add it at the end with the other paragraph. I think the suspension viewers get from reading the story gets distracted by the warning you offer before it starts. I think your author's note does an excellent job of what you are trying to do by rhyming. Overall, I think your project looks really good and is super creative!


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Week 2 Story

Week 2 Story: Photo Website Story
Bibliography: The Goblin City: Story by Author: W. H. D. Rouse

I used the same storyline but I turned it into a rhyme.

Once upon a time...
The city of Ceylon was oh so large
and the female Goblins were in charge.
There were no other creatures
and they had many disgusting features.
These she-goblins were often married
yet their husbands would soon be buried.
For not in the ground would they reside
but inside the stomach of their bride.
This means that they were often looking for new meat
little did the men know that they really should fleet.
For often men who ventured here never left
for the goblins would steal life like a theft.
One day a ship of 500 men crashed their shore
and the goblins welcomed them with an open door.
Soon these men had new wives
not knowing that they hungered to take their lives.
Unsuspecting were these men until
a man woke up against his will.
Through the window he saw his wife chewing
and he knew something bad must be brewing.