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Comment Wall

Comment Wall:


  1. Hi Brittney. I guess I am first to comment! I liked exploring your website, and thought the poll about rhyming and Dr. Seuss was funny. I really liked the layout of your site as well, and thought the design was clean and easy to navigate. I also liked your goblin rhyme. I think it was a good retelling of the Jataka tale it came from, and the rhyme was a different take on the story that allowed it to be different. I think at times the rhyme felt a bit forced because it was hard to come up with words that fit the story, but I was able to get what you were going for. I like that you are trying to do something out of the ordinary here and are doing something challenging - writing poems is hard. I look forward to seeing the other stories you add in as rhymes to this project!

  2. Hey Brittney!
    I love the theme of this project! I would have never thought to implement the classic Dr. Seuss into classical Indian epics. While it's an awesome idea, I don't think I would ever be able to write stories that rhyme with such prowess, so I am impressed that you're doing it. I through your story Goblin City and I see why you would pick this theme: you have a natural talent for rhyming! I envy that...I always try to freestyle rap with my friends and it never goes very well. I like your idea of using couplets. It was really impressive that you were able to tell the whole story in its entirety that way! Do you think you will use the same rhyming scheme the whole semester, or will it be dependent on the story you are writing? I think it would be awesome to mix it up if possible, though I can see how this would make writing stories even more difficult than it already would be. I can't wait to see what direction your project takes and what stories you will use to rhyme with next. Keep up the good work!

  3. (Hey just for the future it's Brittany)

  4. Hello Brittany.
    Wow, I am very impressed with how you got the two stories you have in your portfolio to rhyme. I have always had trouble with rhymes and poems since grade school so I'm very impressed. You chose your words carefully and it shows. Also, both stories painted a picture in my mind of what was happening and they were fun to read.
    I don't remember much details on the scenery in the original story of Goblin City but did you consider adding some extra details? You could paint a picture of a very nice looking city or maybe it looks like a small and run down town? One extra stanza on the scenery could be interesting.
    There were a few spots in Goblin City that sounded a little wordy. For example, "to try to get away" could be changed to just say "to get away." Also "it looked to be quite fresh" could be changed to "it looked quite fresh."
    For King's Karma, I feel like the first paragraph could be removed and you could start the story with the rhyming stanzas. Then at the end (maybe after some kind of page break like a few of these things ~~~ or some other symbol) you can state the message and/or ending commentary of the story. I also feel like with the flow of events the stanza starting with "Before he even saw him" should be above the stanza starting with "For it was not some animal."
    Just a few little things that you could look at. Good job on both of your stories, I'm not sure I could get the rhyming to work as well as you did.

  5. Hi Brittany,
    I love you idea for you project wall! I think it so creative and I give you props for being about to rhyme so well, especially with harder material to understand. Both stories you have on your wall so far did a great job of explaining what is happening in a fun way!
    For Goblin City, I am not as familiar with the story so maybe explaining more of the story in your author's note would help viewers like me grasp the important plots. But I really enjoyed how you showed your personality in your author's note! I think it was a great way to show viewers that you are truly enjoying writing these rhymes. I also think the way you laid out the page works great with your theme and makes it easy to read.
    I really enjoyed reading King's Karma. That story was very interesting to me when reading the Ramayana, but in that version we didn't get much detail about it besides that it happened. That being said, I thought your explanation and storytelling for it was great. As for the paragraph before the rhyme starts, I think I would add it at the end with the other paragraph. I think the suspension viewers get from reading the story gets distracted by the warning you offer before it starts. I think your author's note does an excellent job of what you are trying to do by rhyming. Overall, I think your project looks really good and is super creative!

  6. Hi Brittany,

    I enjoyed your poems and the overall layout of your site. I love the graphic you have on your homepage. My only suggestion for the site overall is to play around with how your text on the picture lines up with the book. The text that is level with the edge of the book is hard to read.

    The Goblin City is very interesting. You tell the story with clarity and it it easy to follow the story arc. Presenting a logical story arc and rhyming at the same time is HARD! I'm very impressed. For your author's note, it would be a good idea to share the story that you based the poem on. I Googled "Goblin City" and got a list of links to pages about Jim Henson's "Labyrinth." I added the author's name from your bibliography and got a good link.

    I enjoyed King's Karma as well. For your intro and Author's note, I selected a couple of lines for you to clarify: "Do not do things blindly by choice," and. "I also tried to play off the king “blindly” shooting and the parents being blind. The king has a choice while his parents do not." I think if you clarify what you mean by the king's 'choice' these statements will make sense. I understood the implicitness of paring the "blind" action and the blind parents within the poem. You did a great job positioning the story for the reader to understand the irony behind that pairing.

    Thank you for sharing. I look forward to reading your next additions to your site!


  7. Hi Brittany,

    I just wanted to say that I think it is amazing that you managed to type at least 500 words all rhyming and make it work. I have enough trouble trying to write 500 normal words. One thing I noticed just off the bat is that your image for your King's Karma story doesn't really have a caption. I think this might be helpful even though it could be interpreted after reading the actual story. Also it is a little hard to read your title for your website overall since the words are blue and the book is blue so they kind of blend together. I also like your opening and closing paragraphs as they are like the morals of the story that are in front of you. Your authors note looks a little funky with all the indenting, especially for just one sentence. Maybe add a little bit more to make it into a full paragraph. Overall good work and I hope to read more of your writing in the future!

  8. Hey Brittany,
    I love this theme! Super cool and original (and also it seems pretty challenging so good luck!) My only concern for your project is that rhymes thrive off of a consistent rhythm, and for the most part you did this well, but a few stanzas run a little long. I thought that stanzas number 6, 8, 17, 20, and 22 in the Goblin City story were a little long. All that those long stanzas did was make me take a little extra pause in reading your rhymes, which is alright but not 100% ideal. In the King's Karma story, the one comment I have is you might want to considered rewriting the rhyme that pairs ventured with adventured, since those are practically the same word. Maybe you can consider "Into the jungle he often strode, hunting the animals in that abode."
    But you had so many good rhymes so keep it up!

  9. Hi Brittany!

    Wow! Using a rhyming scheme for all of your stories is probably not easy. I'm sure it takes a lot of time and work to have the words fall just right in your stories. I was interested in the poll you put on your homepage. Are you asking the audience these questions for any reason? Will you use this feedback at all?
    When reading Goblin City, it seemed like you had been writing poems for years. In your author's note, would suggest perhaps summarizing your original source story, and then focusing your discussion more on what you wrote about and changed. Also, maybe put an illustration of a goblin or a creature that would appeal to the incredible imagery you build up regarding the female goblin flying creatures. I was a little confused on what diminished their appearance and scent causing them to flee. I also love how you had the goblins interact with the fairies. Was this a feature in the original story too? Incredible work, and I can't wait to read your final product!

  10. Hi Brittany,
    This storybook is amazing! There is so much thought and detail put into these rhymes that I can tell immediately how hard you worked on them. The overall look of your storybook is cohesive and creative. I enjoyed the imagery you used and though the rhymes were kind of long, I feel like they are proportionate to how much story there is to tell. The few things that I noticed are there are a couple of pages that do not have anything on them but are labeled from each page, I assumed though that it’s just things you are working on for the site itself. I am interested in your use of Weebly because I have never used that before and it was very easy to navigate and looks great. Another thing I noticed are the author’s notes. I think that focusing more on the particular story and how you came to make the rhymes specifically for them would be better. The comments on why you are rhyming and your love of Dr. Seuss (I love him too) might work better on an introduction type page. I love this storybook though! - Jillienne

  11. Hey Brittany!
    I love your take on telling the stories! I think it is very unique to do them as rhymes. After reading over your storybook I asked myself it that would be easy to accomplish and the answer that I came back with was heck no. You truly have a gift when it comes to writing rhymes. I like how the stories were brought to life through them. It is impressive that a story could be told through rhyming, so I commend you on that. Reading the “stories” over and over again I couldn’t help myself but smile because of how much I enjoyed them all. You really were able to bring the stories to life and make them a fun thing to read. Even though I wasn’t sure at the beginning what I was reading, the authors note really did help with explaining it. I was then able to go back through and read through a fresh view point and was able to understand everything.

  12. Hi Brittany! This week, I will be focusing on the design of your book as I give feedback. I absolutely LOVE the energy that you bring through your Storybook, especially the Home page. From the start, you have incorporated a poll for the reader. This is amazing! You are the first person that I have seen do this and it is greatly engaging. You pull in your reader from the start. Furthermore, the design of you book matches the title and the images you have chosen. The only suggestion that I have is maybe adding more images within your stories "Goblin City" and "King's Karma." I say this because I think graphics bring out a lot of energy, like in your Home page. Therefore, to keep the energy throughout the Storybook, I would suggest scattering images around the story (obviously where you deem appropriate). Overall, you have done a great job with your Storybook! Keep up the good work!

  13. Hello Brittany,

    I really enjoyed what you did with Goblin city. The rhyme scheme you created did make the story so much more interesting, and easier to read. I was also a fan of Dr. Seuss! How you were able to come up with your own clever lines that correlated with original line from the story, was awesome. Being able to create another fun version of this story, the way that you did, would have taken me a little bit of time if I am being honest. Your other two stories as well were fun to read. You give your stories clear meaning and it allows for us as readers to be able to get the message of the stories. I would have liked to see more images with "Goblin City", just because your inspiration for the story was because of Dr. Seuss, and will all know a good Dr. Seuss book has a lot of images, but all in all you have done a great job!

  14. Hi Brittany!

    I was drawn to your story while I was browsing the projects on the Canvas site! I LOVE rhymes. I personally tried to create I rhyme for this class in one of the stories and had so much fun. My first comment to you is how I love you included in a little quiz to get to know your viewers a little bit better. I bet you are getting some very interesting results from this quiz. Your answer choices are spot on for how I am currently feeling. Before I read any of your stories I was browsing through and my first thought was how well your line spacing was. Honestly, for me, line spacing can make or break the story. You have this down so no need to worry! My first recommendation was is to choose a different color for your home page because it blends into the book in the background. My second recommendation is to provide some details about the images you choose. To do this you can add in a short caption (it could even go at the bottom of the page) and give the photographer or illustrator credit. Your stories are amazing! So creative! Keep up the great work.

  15. Hey Brittany,

    I am really jealous of your choice of storytelling! It makes mine look really, really lame. I always liked stories and poems with rhyme schemes, as I feel like they're a lot more fun! I did not do them myself because I feel like it is a lot more work, but the way you made it seem made it so worth it! I guess it is more effortless for you. I like the creativity not only with your rhymes, but with your stories as well. The setting in a lot of your stories stick to a main theme and it does not get carried away with the rhyme. I feel like most errors in rhymes authors make are when they focus too hard on making certain lines rhyme rather than focusing on the meat of the story itself, but you managed to still make the story interesting while carrying our your super creative rhyme time idea! I really like how you managed to couple both. Great job!

  16. Brittany,

    Your rhymes are great! I read all three of your stories and keep thinking these couplets could be lyrics to songs or something. Haha! I absolutely love how you relate your stories and themes to children's movies or books like A Bug's Life, Dr. Seuss, or a Brothers Grimm tale. You must be like me - a Disney fanatic and a sucker for animated or children's stories! We all have to embrace our inner child somehow right?

    A few things I wanted to point out: in your second story, King's Karma, it got a little confusing in the middle with the "he"s and the "him"s and all the indirect pronouns. I didn't know if you were referring to the King, the boy, or the boy's father sometimes. I had to read those parts over a few times to figure out who did what and who died. The second thing I wanted to comment on was one of your rhymes from Goblin City: "They began to have a green hue; And they smelt like pee-ew." This made me giggle! Such a play on words. I read it as "P.U." the first time and then thought, "Wait, maybe she meant 'pee... ew!'" Great work, Brittany!


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Week 2 Story

Week 2 Story: Photo Website Story
Bibliography: The Goblin City: Story by Author: W. H. D. Rouse

I used the same storyline but I turned it into a rhyme.

Once upon a time...
The city of Ceylon was oh so large
and the female Goblins were in charge.
There were no other creatures
and they had many disgusting features.
These she-goblins were often married
yet their husbands would soon be buried.
For not in the ground would they reside
but inside the stomach of their bride.
This means that they were often looking for new meat
little did the men know that they really should fleet.
For often men who ventured here never left
for the goblins would steal life like a theft.
One day a ship of 500 men crashed their shore
and the goblins welcomed them with an open door.
Soon these men had new wives
not knowing that they hungered to take their lives.
Unsuspecting were these men until
a man woke up against his will.
Through the window he saw his wife chewing
and he knew something bad must be brewing.