Week 5 Story: The Crocodile in the River
I stayed pretty close to the story. I just adapted it to rhyme. It was very difficult because the words from the story don't really rhyme. I thought it was going a bit easier.
Bibliography: Story Vanarinda Jataka, in The Jataka: Volume 1 translated by Robert Chalmers.
Once Upon a Time...
There was a monkey who had much wit,
For he did not just sit around scratching his armpit.
Sadly, he was alone,
But this did not make him moan.
He gets to spend his days gazing at the water shining in the light.
This is because he lived upon the lovely riverbank that made him feel like everything is alright.
From the riverbank, you can see a wondrous bit of land.
It was an island that was full of fruit that is grand.
They had all of the fruits that you could imagine and they were overflowing.
It has strawberries and snozzberries that never stop growing.
There is a rock that is halfway between the lands,
And the monkey could easily jump rock to sands.
The monkey would go to the island to defeat his hunger,
And he would eat as much fruit as he could until he could no longer
He would visit the island multiple times a day,
And he always used the rock that was halfway.
For this monkey routine was habitual.
It was almost like a ritual.
But the monkey was not the only creature living upon the water.
There were some crocodiles ready to slaughter.
For the crocodiles had many children to feed,
And a monkey seemed to be exactly what they need.
So, the crocodile made an attempt to munch the monkey,
But upon the rock, the crocodile looked clunky.
After eating his heart's content the monkey went to go his way,
But he saw something that made him need to stay.
The monkey marks the height of the tide.
That day it looked like it lied.
It was at the same level from when he marked it.
So, he knew that something was wrong because it didn't quite fit.
The monkey had seen the crocodile before.
He saw is sunbathing upon the shore.
He had a suspicion that it was the crocodile responsible for the high tide.
So, the monkey needed a plan to decide.
So, quickly upon his feet, the monkey burst,
"Hi, Rock!" unrehearsed.
With no answer, the monkey called once more.
The crocodile replied because he could not ignore.
The monkey admitted defeat.
For he could not compete.
So, the crocodile opened his mouth and closed his eyes.
Which the monkey knew was unwise.
The crocodile's mistake.
It was the monkey's break.
So, the monkey got away,
And the crocodile had to find new prey.
Hello Brittany. Here is some feedback on your story. I am really impressed how you turned this story into rhyming lines and without changing the events in the original story. You had some really creative rhymes too. I especially liked the first one with "wit" and "armpit," I chuckled there. I can just imagine how hard this was. Great job!
ReplyDeleteI know this would be even harder but did you consider trying to write in iambic pentameter? You would have to play with the wording of your story even more but I think that would be neat and even more impressive. You could try it with a really short story and see what you think.
One thing I think would be nice to add is more punctuation. Technically without it you have running sentences that should be separated out. Your story still reads well without it but it is something I noticed and I think others would notice as well.
Brittany, wow really nice format! Rhyming 400 words is no small feat; I'm impressed you went through with such an ambitious style, and you did such a good job! I'm a big Roald Dahl fan, so I appreciated the snozzberries reference. I know he has a lot of poetry in his stories, did his books influence you at all? Was there any element of the story that made you want to format it as a poem, or had you already wanted to do a poetry themed story beforehand?
ReplyDeleteI think adapting the story so that it features different animals might have made the rhyming aspect of the story a lot easier! I'm sure you had a lot of trouble finding rhymes for "monkey" and "crocodile." Monkey and clunky is pretty good though! Did you have a poetic meter in mind when you started out? I honestly don't think you need a specific poetic form for this story (it's impressive enough that you went for the rhyming format regardless), but it might lend a bit more of a smooth flow to your folktale!